Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
