wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
