giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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