Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
