I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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