i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
