She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
