Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
