Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
