i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
