i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
