My first STD was from a foam party
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
