in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
