I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So vagazzling was a success
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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