Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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