oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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