I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
