Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
