Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
