i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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