Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
