Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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