I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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