you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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