i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
