and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Come on in and take your pants off
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
