help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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