Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
