I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
