I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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