Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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