only if we run a train.
done.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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