The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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