Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
