I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
