How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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