We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
