Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
