Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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