Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
