his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
2020 sucks, I want a refund
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
