well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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