dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
