Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
