@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
