..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
