My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
