If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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