god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
