Who wears a wallet chain?!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
