Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
